I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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