i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize