I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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