i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
