He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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