I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
