fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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