my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
