Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
