Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
