I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
