I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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