Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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