The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
