Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
