my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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