anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
