i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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