i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
