Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Randomize
