She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
