I have demons in me.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
