but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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