My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Randomize
