I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
