i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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