Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
