I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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