yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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