Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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