i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
