Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
