I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
