Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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