Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
