I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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