Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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