I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
