I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
