well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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