If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
