Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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