that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
