I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
