Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
