That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
my nose is crying tears of wow.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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