had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
