Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
