that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
