she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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