I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
