so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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