I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
