You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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