apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
