I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
