I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
