Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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