my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
