We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
