Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
