There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
