all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
