Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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