Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize