its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
