Non-Jews are for practice
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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