Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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