We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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