It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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