I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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