remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
