oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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