All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
