Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
