I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
