You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize