i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
