I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
