After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
