Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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