I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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