You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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