so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
