ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
