who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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