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We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize