Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
