I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
being pregnant is like rehab
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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