I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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