you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
