do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
