I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
NoShamevember. You game?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
