so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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