guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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