I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize