He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
