i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
