My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
