i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize