The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
