i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
