On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Randomize
