He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
