i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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