it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
