i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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