i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
