The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
