I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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