How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
