:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
