still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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