Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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