Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
