I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
