These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
