The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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