She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
