new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
