it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
