god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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