Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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