I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
